The second time would work...right???
It was October 2018, we had managed to save enough money to try for the next cycle. We were in a much better place this time we thought, mentally and physically, we had learnt from the last failure and could move on with this.
We decided after much debate to use the same clinic, after all the published figures were good, it was close to home, what more could you ask for?.
My wife started to have accupuncture about 4 weeks before we started the cycle and I must say to anyone out there, try a few sessions of this. If you are in London, I highly recommend you to go the "London Accupuncture Clinic" on Wimpole street, the team there are amzing and she was so relaxed after a session, it was amazing.
So after another consultation we started straight away, the thought of the injections and early mornings for my wife lead to my feelings of guilt again, that this was MY fault, I was the one with the problem. But I had to stay strong, we were tackling this as a team and my wife was amzing fo putting herself through this again for us. We were afew days before the first set of injections when my wife was told about 2 experts who we should go and see ASAP, a nutritionist and also a urologist. We booked appointentments as soon as we could, but they would be during the IVF cycle.
We booked to see Melanie brown, the nutritionist about 1 week into the IVF cycle. Looking back now we should have stopped the cycle there and then. Melanie was amazing, went through our diet "history", asked lots of questions and came up with a fertility diet plan for us. She also explained lots of other things to assist with our fertility, such as the use of BPA free plastics and organic toilettries. She also asked about our fertility history and our path forward. I felt that she really cared, not something I had honestly felt in the IVF clinic, it was a breath of fresh air. Melanie advised me to go to see a urologist "Jonathan Ramsay" ASAP.
Afew days passed of the ritual jabbings of my wifes buttocks, late night foot baths, early morning blood tests, her stomach starting to look like a war scene again and we were able to get an appointment with Jonathan Ramsay. Mr Ramsay has a lovely manner about him, straight away we felt comfortable and welcomed, cared for. The consultation went very well, but he was worried about my results. My sperm was far from optimum, but he believed he could help and that was a huge relief.
We started Melanie's diet plan straight away, alongside a whole new range of specialised supplements and pills that we did not have the first time round. We felt positive, but at the same time gutted we had not found Melanie and Jonathan a few months earlier. But people dont openly talk about these people in the clinics....hence why I am talking about them so much here!!
If you are even thinking about IVF go and see these people NOW!!!, they could change your life soon enough to really make a difference.
We got to collection day and everything was going smoothly, we were so much more prepared this time. We had a couple less collected this time, but enough to fertilise, so we ploughed on.
When it came to my part, which always seems to be the easiest part of the whole IVF chain, I waved goodbye to a new set of swimmers and said a little prayer as I handed them to the nurse.
We decided to have 2 embryos implanted back into my wife, this was done at 3 days....and then the wait started again....the two week wait. Its hard to be normal during these two weeks, we tried not to talk about it, I rubbed her stomach every night and tried to impress some kind of positive energy like a wizard of some sort.....well it made me feel better, like i was doing something.
Test day came and the feelings was high, we cant have another failure surely. Unfortunately I was at work when the call came, the test was negative. I collapsed. My poor wife was home alone and I could not be with her. My boss was amazing and has been throughout this whole thing, i finished off a few bits I needed to and went home to console her. We just hugged and cried for hours that night. All of my negativity came back, why us, what had we done to deserve this pain. It ached for days, the pain in my wifes eye as her period came, a harsh visual reminder that we were not pregnant.