Waiting for the results of my first sperm test seemed like an eternity. I went to the local GP for the results and my world fell apart, the results were absolutely shocking. My sperm count was low, the motility was bad and the morphology was not looking good either.
The results hit me like a brick wall and now I had to tell my wife. I think we both just broke down in tears, this was the beginning of the lowest point in my life. To be told you may not be able to have children was like having my heart ripped out and stamped on. I was longing to continue my family name, it was and still is very important to me.
I started to block everybody out, this was my first mistake. I crawled inside myself, nobody else was aware of what was going on, I had told no one apart from my wife. Was I less of a man?, what was the point of me if I could not provide my wife with a baby?, should I carry on with life?. I felt weak and lost. I was at the darkest point in my life. I tried to cope in the only way I could, I put everything into my work, but this only made me more frustrated and snappy at home (sorry darling).
I sucked it up and carried on through the mental pain of it all, with only my wife for help. I eventually met up with an old work colleague who I confided in and he was a legend, just sitting and listening to me and my woes. Why did I not at this point realise that this is what I should have done more of, I had not told my best friend or any of my family and to this day I bitterly regret not telling them sooner.
Our GP recommended going for a course of IVF, so the search began for the best clinic in London. What the GP didn't address is the fact that my sperm was of a truly awful quality, they just said IVF was the only way we would have a baby, but at this point all our trust was in the GP and we just though that the IVF would work the first time around - wouldn't it!?!??!